Lily Lulonut

I am sitting here on Halloween, looking out my window waiting for any trick or treaters. I have sheer curtains that are purple. It gives a nice atmosphere looking out toward the street, cars going by one after another. I don’t know if I will get any trick or treaters though. This is my first time in this house and I don’t have any experience in this area yet. The neighborhood does not necessarily scream trick or treaty, but that’s just its vibe and not how it operates. It is now 4pm and the sun will start to go down at 6pm. So only time will tell.

I know it has been a minute since I last posted anything. I am sorry about that, sorry to myself and to anyone reading. I have done this in the past, where I will start something like a blog but then back off. The idea will get me started but then I fall off for one reason or another. In the past I have not had the best head space for expressing myself. Trauma to work through, depression, gender dysphoria, etc. This time is different though, I have help in the form of my therapist and a better support system. I have done a lot to understand and work with my past trauma, and I am becoming the true me. So things are not like they were in the past.

I recently went on a work trip to this town a few hours from Colorado Springs. While there and during one of our lunches I had a conversation with a couple of my coworkers. We talked about what we wanted out of life, what we wanted to be when we grew up. I have always had a hard time with a question like this. Being around coworkers puts one in that headspace of needing to watch what you say, or what you express. At least that’s what I used to think, to protect myself from the world. So there I was talking to them, openly and without any shame. I told them I wanted to be a travel blogger. More specifically I want to write and travel, and if those two things can be connected then even better. This is Something I have wanted in the past, but had not thought about or expressed in over 10 years. To go out and have adventures!

To say I was surprised I said that, and so easily, is an understatement. This is after I created this blog. I did not create this blog with that idea in mind, though it was a deeper intention I think. I ended up talking to my therapist about it, and it turned into a very upbeat and self affirming conversation. I think I realized how good my life is now. How I want to move ahead and grow, find what I am passionate about and follow it. This is a new feeling for me, happiness. With it came old idea’s or long forgotten dreams that I let go of to survive.

We started discussing the idea. We talked about how I am in a good place and that I should explore it. So I have decided I need to get back on the horse so to speak. I need to get out there and just live. Then I can write about it. So I plan on visiting some places I have never been to before, starting locally of course. Check out some places in Colorado Springs and around. Go, take a few pics and enjoy myself. Then come back and write about the experience and how it made me feel. Then post it and some of the pictures here. Just play with it and figure out how I want this to look. How I want to move ahead. I have nothing to lose.

I have no business plans for any of this of course, this is just ideas and such. It would be awesome to manage to live off this work, but I don’t expect it. For now it will just be for me, and anyone who follows me. For now it can be a safe space to express myself, my ideas, and my experiences. That’s all it has to be for right now. Happiness does not necessarily need to be your dreams coming true. Sometimes it just has to be living life, and enjoying what you are doing.

I am sad to report still no trick or treaters after an hour of writing. I have a lot of candy to share, and I really don’t want to have a bunch left over. Come on kids, I’ve got a lot and at this point will be more open to handfuls.

Sincerely Lily Lulonut.