Lily Lulonut

I am coming up to a scary moment. Exciting, but a little scary. I recently started my name change journey. I needed to get a couple of background checks done before I can start the paperwork to change my name. One was local and the other was an FBI check. This was fairly simple, just get my fingerprints done and wait. I now have both backgrounds, and I have completed the paperwork to change my name to Lily. The next step is to take all of this to court and start the actual process: change the name, get Social Security updated, get a new state ID, etc. Then I get to update the 50 things that have my old name.

The legal process isn’t why this is hard. It’s what it means for me socially. Ever since I began this journey of transitioning, I have always maintained a final barrier of sorts. Once my name is legally changed, I am out to everyone—no more hiding. I have come out to my friends, my family, and a few others. The one place I have not come out yet is at work. Work has been the last place I wanted to come out.

I spend most of my day there, it’s a big part of my life, even if I don’t always like it. Changing my name always meant coming out at work. Of course, I’d need to tell HR. They would need to change my info in their systems and update my health insurance. I would also need to tell my direct manager and my director, as they would see the change implemented. I’d have no more reason to hold back, so why not go all in? My badge would change, and my email would change. Things would start to be processed and move ahead.

Originally, I planned on changing my name and coming out this upcoming spring. That’s the time-frame I had in my head. But then the election happened. I need to protect myself as best I can. I want to travel in the upcoming years, go to other countries. I want to grow and fully embrace myself. The upcoming political environment could put an end to that just as I am becoming. So I need to change my name now and get my passport now. It may not fully protect me, but it’s better than not doing it. So my timeline has moved up.

I know I am ready, and I don’t mind people knowing now. Shoot, I would not be surprised if a lot already knew; I haven’t been hiding the changes. It’s still a big step though. I don’t know how things will go, but I can’t wait any longer. I need to get things going as soon as possible to better survive the upcoming government. I’ll do what is necessary to make sure Lily has a chance to fully emerge. Even if my current self is a bit hesitant, future me will thank me.

So yeah, that’s why it’s a bit scary. There is nothing holding me back now, other than myself. It’s time to come out of the shadows. Whatever happens will happen, and all I can do is move ahead. I know I won’t lose my job or anything, but relationships may change. But fuck it, let’s do it. I plan on printing out all the paperwork I need tomorrow and choosing a day to go into court. I’ll call to make sure I am doing the right steps. Wish me luck, I’ll keep this blog updated as I move ahead.