Lily Lulonut

Hello All!!!

I hope everyone is taking care of themselves!

Let’s talk about touch, human touch that is.

So what kind of touch am I talking about? Let’s list out various forms, from the most basic to the more intimate: handshakes, hugs, dental exams, physicals, hand-holding, general non-sexual touching, kissing, and all other, more intimate kinds of touch. Many of these are simple, but for some of us, it’s not so simple. It feels distant.

Something as simple as a yearly physical is mundane for many people. For others, it’s rare. I fall into this category of being touch-starved. Whenever I get a physical or go to the dentist, I’m reminded how little human interaction I actually have. Due to past traumas, I’ve kept myself locked away for decades. Never letting myself get too close to people, never allowing hugs or other basic forms of touch. I always had to protect myself, but that also meant I missed out on a lot of firsts. Holding the hand of someone I cared for, kissing someone, or even sex itself.

I often wonder, when I am finally able to be intimate with someone, will it be too overwhelming? Not in a bad way, but in a happy, break down crying kind of way. Will I ruin the mood. I know, with the right person that should not be an issue, but its still something that builds up in my head. Its hard to ignore sometimes.

I was talking to my therapist about all this, and she recommended touch therapy, even something as simple as getting a massage. Not from her, of course, but by going somewhere. Not in a sexual way, just a human touch kind of way. She even recommended I check out a local BDSM club. I’m not sure how that connection fits, since I’m not part of that community, but it likely has to do with consent and forms of touch-based connection or play.

I’m so happy I’m in a better place now compared to how I was before, but it also means there’s a lot of uncertainty for me. This all makes me more nervous now, because now real touch is actually a possibility. I will say, I so badly want to be touched. Not just in a sexual way. I need a cuddle. LOL, there’s a local cuddle puddle group I may need to check out. I keep seeing their events pop up.

I’m more than ready to enjoy touch, even if it still feels distant and difficult at times. If there are other touch-starved folks out there, let’s start a cuddle puddle! LOL

Stay safe!