Lily Lulonut

Hello!

The new moon in March just happened, and I have a new card pull to share!

I do a monthly ritual for Lilith, who I worship. During my new moon ritual, I pull a card from my Wild Woman Oracle deck. I use this card as a guide of sorts for the coming month. What Lilith wants me to focus on, or pay attention to.

Last month, I pulled #21, The Morrigan (Sovereignty). The card means, “The Morrigan asks you to stand firmly in your sovereignty… She wants you to develop willpower, grit, integrity and self-respect: qualities that… are only born from overcoming struggle and strife.” (Zárate, p. 73)

For me, the meaning of this card was connected to my own self worth, and how I was not seeing myself. I actually ended up wrestling with the fact that I was unsure if I loved myself or not. Something I had never really thought about until now. I only ever knew resentfulness and hate. I won’t bore you with my life up until a few years ago, but I was not doing well. Thanks Trauma!

Anyway, I started working through those feelings last month, and while I still have a lot of work to do, I feel better about myself and my past. I am on my way to loving myself more and more. Every part of myself.

This leads to this month. You see, this month’s card is also in line with this journey Lilith has put me on. This month’s card is #35, Home At Last (Aloneness). Yea, when I first saw that I started to feel like I would be alone forever. But that’s not necessarily what this card means.

This card reads: “If you have been fearful of venturing out solo… a season of greater aloneness and independence is exactly what your soul needs at this time…. some of the times in our lives when we have most been surrounded by others may have been some of the loneliest…. To be alone, however, is to be fully comfortable and content in one’s own company – and to get to know our Self on a much deeper level.” (Zárate, p. 115)

It all started to make sense when I read this. Lilith knew exactly what I needed to focus on.

I have been feeling especially lonely lately. As of late I have been feeling disconnected from my friends. Like distance has been growing between us. While that may be true, it is also true that I have been focusing on myself more as of late. Instead of yearning for love or to be seen by an outside person, I have been looking for that from myself. Coming back to that learning to love myself aspect.

I realized that I was looking for love from the wrong places. I also attribute this understanding to Lilith. So I have been learning to reconcile those two feelings. Feeling alone, but also understanding that I am not alone. I have been learning to love myself, and be comfortable with being with myself. Something I also never learned to do in my past. Again, thanks Trauma!

So for this month, I need to accept being alone, even when I have others. I may go to events, and hang out with people, but I also will go home alone, to myself, and this needs to be OK. The more I understand my current journey, the more I understand I am not ready to find my person.

Lol, it always comes back to my person. I am the type who will throw my entire being into a relationship. Let how the other person, or persons, see me, be everything that I am. Lose myself in the other person. I need to learn to rely on myself first. I need to love myself, and understand myself.

So for this month, that’s what I will do. I’ll focus on me. Focus on being alone with myself, and being OK. Finding that same happiness I have found with others, with myself this time.

Thanks Lilith for the message. It was hard for me to hear, but I understand. I want to find my person, but I also know I need to do this first. Live with, and love myself.

Lily

Sources
Zárate, Cheyenne. Wild Woman Oracle: Awaken Your True, Free and Soulful Self. Rockpool Publishing, 2022. ISBN: 9781925946833. pp. 73, 115.